Mrs. Jimmy Livingston

Last Time You..
Really Smiled : about 15 minutes ago
Laughed: tonight
Cried: wednesday
Danced: last friday
Had sex: not your fucking buisness
Drank: last friday
Smoked: don't
Watched your favorite movie:a couple months ago
Had a nightmare: a couple nights ago
Last thing you had to drink : dr. pepper/ water
Last time you showered : last night
Last thing you ate: xtra-buttery movie popcorn!

Crush: not tellin! ok . . . JASON!
Virgin?: not that it's any of your fucking beeswax, but no
Natural hair color:dark brown
Current hair color: dark brown
Eye color: green-ish
Height: 5'8 1/2
Birthplace: cinci
Shoe size: 9 1/2

Family
Parents: mom, dad, stepdad, 4 step sisters, 1 half-sister, pets
Siblings: Susan (half-sister)
Live with: mom, stepdad, cinammon, charly
Favorite relative: ???



Love and Relationships
Do you have a bf/gf?: no
Do you have a crush?: yes
How long have you liked him/her?: about 5 days!
Why do you like this person?: cool, smart, really sweet!
How long was your longest relationship?: about 5 1/2 months
How long was your shortest relationship?: about 2 weeks! (7th grade!)
Who was your first love?: Brisn Bova
What do you miss about them?: I think i'v done this question before

The Past
What is the one thing you would change about your past?: ummmm?
Last thing you heard: typing of keys?
Last thing you saw: GOTHIKA!!!
Last thing you said: be careful driving home . . .goodnight
Who is the last person you saw?: Jason!
Who is the last person you kissed?: the last person I don't regret kissing is AJ
Who is the last person you hugged?: Jason!
Who is the last person you fought with?: not sure
Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: Jen
What is the last TV show you saw?: Hannity & Colmbs
What is the last song you heard?: Dream On -Depeche Mode

The Present
What are you wearing?: jeans, pretty thrift-store shirt, socks, dragonfly-necklace
What are you doing?: answering this questionare
Who are you talking to?: no one
What song are you listening to?: nada
Where are you?: upstairs
Are you online?: yeah
How are you feeling?: a bit tired

Future
What day is it tomorrow?: Sat/Sun
What are you going to do after this?:floss, brush, go to bed
Who are you going to talk to?: no one tonight
Where are you going to go?: bed!
How old will you be when you graduate?: not sure
What do you wanna be?: fashion designer or yoga instructer
What is one of your dreams?: be happy and content (oops! that's 2!)
Where will you be in 25 years?: could not tell you

Who..
Makes you laugh the most: prolly my step dad
Makes you smile: friends, certain people at work, etc. . .
Gives you a funny feeling when you see them: ???
Has a crush on you: I think(hope!) Jason
Do you have a crush on: ummm Jason, duh
Can make you feel better no matter what: Pephie!

Best
cologne: healing gardens
perfume: oh, healing gardens
kiss: ? ? ?
romantic memory: me and AJ making out at train stop!!! The whole length of the train!!!
most recent advice given to you: well, the BEST advice is a trusted someone telling me I should really go out for Fashion Design

Have You..
Fallen for your best friend?: no
Made out with JUST a friend?: no
Been rejected?: yep
Been in love?: not sure
Been in lust?: DUH!
Used someone?: I don't think so, I hope not!!!
Been used?: yep-it sucks
Cheated on someone?: fuck no
Been cheated on?: no
Been kissed?: yes
Done something you regret?: sort of

Who Was The Last Person..
You touched?: jason
You talked to?: jason
You hugged?: jason
You instant messaged?: AJ
You kissed?: AJ
You yelled at?: umm, sort of my mom :(
You laughed with?: jason
Who broke your heart?: i can't think back that far
Who told you they loved you?: AJ

Three things that scare me:
1: getting into a car accident
2: tornadoes
3: moving to Clifton

Three people who make me laugh:
1: My stepdad
2. Mike Bender
3: Marie! I miss her:(

Three Things I love:
1: my Dad
2: Cinammon
3: Being around people I care about

Three Things I hate:
1: K
2: K
3: K

Three things I don't understand:
1: heartless people
2: why Jesse wants to live in Florida
3: why people spend lots of $ on clothes like Abercrombie

Three things on my desk:
1: this isn't
2: my
3: desk

Three things I'm doing right now:
1: thinking about this question
2: typing my answer
3: thinking about question again

Three things I want to do before I die:
1: fall in love with someone who loves me back
2: be truly happy and content
3: see No Doubt in concert

Three ways to describe my personality:
1: emotional
2: caring
3: procrastinating

Three things I can't do:
1: be sane
2: water ski
3: give good public speeches!!!

I don't really know what to say. I just found out some disturbing news and that always sucks. I just feel aweful right now.

Belinda, it sucks that you hate me or whatever, and i really wish it wasn't like that, but i just made a huge, terrible mistake. I am not at all perfect and I really did not want to hurt anyone. I knew it was a mistake before, but now I see what a horribly aweful mistake it REALLY was. I never even wanted anyone to know. But that's what happens I guess when someone you trusted at one time turns out to be such a big piece of shit.

None the less, I did something incredibly stupid and regretful, but I learned my lesson good. Damn, did I ever learn it. I should have never let my guard down like I did. At least not in that kind of situation. I'm usually so careful and skeptical when it comes to potentially hurtfull things. But i was just weak i guess. It happens.

I'm just going to have to chock it up to a lesson very well learned, and when looking at it that way, I feel a little better about it. I know I will eventually be fully recovered from this trial, but i'm jsut going to have to take it all a day at a time. Meh.

*Sorry if this is a little too serious.

I am so incredibly amused right now. It's just something that I discovered tonight that has been making me feel shity and, I guess, inadequate or something. But what I discovered is that there was NO reason what so ever for me to have felt insecure or undesirable in any way, shape, or form! I just want to laugh soooooo damn hard. GOD! All that confusion for NOTHING!!!! HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! MAN! That is funny! So sorry b/c I'm sure that no one understands or has the slightest clue of what I am talking about. Meh. As long as I feel good, then it's ok.

But I had a really good time tonight. I was so afraid that, for some reason, I was going to have a horribly aweful time. But I didn't! I got to hang out with some really cool, sweet people, and that makes everything worth it. Everything being how bad my tummy hurts right now from all da alcohol. I didn't even drink that much, but it was all on an empty tum-tum. But, thankfully, I made it home ok.

Jesse, I can not WAIT till you come up so we can go to Jacob's together! It is going to be the kickest-ass thing ever!

But I can't really think of a Viva La Bam quote right now. At least not a good one. But I did say that I was going to incorporate one in each update.

MUM-MUM: THIS WHOLE FAMILY'S CRAZY!!!

BAM: (into the camera) It's true.

It was really funny on the show, but I don't know so much in an LJ. Meh.
I'm also glad that I finally saw Nikkiiiiii!!!!!! Nikki, did you see Brian get all worried cuz he thought that I was trying to steal you from him??? That was funny! I don't know if you noticed it, but I did!
Well, I need to hit the hay for I have to work in about 6 hours.(Thumbs down) Goodnight all! Or morning! Whatever!!!!

I am sooooooooooooo tired. It's also tired that I begin a lot of my entries by saying that i'm tired. AWESOME NEWS!!!! I am NOT failing my public speaking class!!! YAY FOR ME!!!! I got my average today, and it was an 82%!!! And the really unbelievable thing was that I got a better grade than a lot of the other people in class. This absolutely stumps me b/c I didn't even get to finish my first speech for class ran out of time. Plus I sounded like I just came from the crack alley. I couldn't have talked slower and boringer if I tried. Yeah, I just made up a word. Anywho, what else . . ? I've been having really weird dreams lately. Last night I actually dremt that daffy duck shot himself in the head, and I saw the whole thing. It was pretty disturbing. I think it's about loss of innocence or something like that. Like maybe I truly realize now that I am growing up, and need to grow up some more. I just wish that the news could have been brought to my attention in a less morbid and unsettling way.
I need to go take a Benadryl so that I can sleep like a baby 2nite.

I've decided that, since VivaLaBam is such a damn funny show, I am going to incorporate one of my favorite quotes from the show in each update. I luuuuuuuuuuv that show! Here goes . . .

PHIL: Do you tell people that you have bling-bling or do you just let em see it?

COMPTON-ASS TERRY: You just let em see it.

That was lame, but I like it. Thank-you very much!
Now I am going to go chill and then hit the hay. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow!

Name] Anna
Do you like it]meh
Nicknames] nada
Age] 20
Birthday] Sept. 18
Sign] Virgo
School] UC
Status] not quite sure
Crush] hot-ass guy that works @Tri-county Journeys
Natural hair color] dark-ass-brown
Current hair color] dark-ass-brown
Eye color] greenish
Height] about 5'8 1/2

[ favorites ]

Number] 7!
Color] bright-ass-yellow
Day] whatever day i'm in a really good mood
Month] probably October
Song] End It On This - No Doubt
Movie] I'm going to say Lilo and Stitch and Kill Me Later
Band] No Doubt!
Season] Fall
Sport] softball and YOGA!
Class] psychology-my teacher rocks
Teacher] psych teacher!-Mcmasters
Drink] water! so refreshing!
Veggie] green beans and(is avacado a veggie?)
TV Show] Who's Line . . .

Animal] All Kinds! Dogs, birds, etc . . .
Flower] I'm feelin' a white rose right now
State] ?

[number] 7!

of times i have had my heart broken] hmmmmm
of hearts i have broken] inordinate!!!!! syke!
of guys/girls i have kissed] 5
of continents i have lived in] 1
of tight friends] about 5-ish
of cd's that i own] lots and lots
of scars on my body] about 3(fire scar on my back-most gnarly!!!)

[who do you want to...]

[ Kill ] I, personally don't want to kill anyone, but if someone else was to do it . . .
[ Slap ] I think just one person right now
[ Get Really Wasted With ] a big "NO ONE" to that
[ Look Like ] Jessica Alba - -DARK ANGEL!!!!
[ Talk To Offline ] Let's see . . . Jesse, Nikki, Stephanie, Belinda, . . .
[ Talk To Online ] ummmm, whoever, I guess
[ Fuck] Hot-ass-guy I saw in library yesterday(though I wouldn't actually)

[ love and relationships ]

Do you have a bf/gf] no
Do you have a crush] yup
Why do you like this person]cute, funny, outgoing, intelligent, . . .
If you're single... why are you single] Need to connect w/ inner self
If you're not single... give details...]
Who was your first love] Brian Bova!!! I miss him soooo much!!!! Great friend!!!!!:(
What do you miss about them] not that I believe in soul mates, but if I did, he so was mine

[ the past ]

What is the one thing you would change about your past] ummmmm, my childhood, I guess
Last thing you heard] AFI in my car!!!!
Last thing you saw] the last sentence I read
Last thing you said] That's my Cinnameister!!!!
Who is the last person you saw] Glen and Mark
Who is the last person you kissed] Cinnamon!
Who is the last person you hugged] My mom
Who is the last person you fought with] Where do I begin . . .
Who is the last person you were on the phone with] Rachel
What is the last TV show you saw] I think Buffy
What is the last song you heard] Celluloid Dream-AFI

[ future ]

What are you going to do after this] English Homework and talk to Jesse on AIM!
Who are you going to talk to] Jesse on AIM!
Where are you going to go] downstairs to get my books then maybe to my room - - exiting stuff!
How old will you be when you graduate] I have no fucking clue. Proably never.
What do you wanna be] Fashion Designer or Yoga teacher or both!
Where will you be in 25 years] I would like to be successful in a fashion career and would love to be incredibly happily married with 2 kids and a great life for all of us! (I'm a sap-machine!)

[ other ]

Do you write in cursive or print?] Mostly print
Are you a lefty or a righty] righty
What is your sexual preference] hot dudes!!!!
What piercings do you have] just 2 in each ear(though I rarely wear earrings)
Any tattoos] nope
Do you drive] Yes, a lot
Do you have glasses or braces] glasses/contacts=super-bad eyesight
Did you like this survey] Yes! I love it!!!

[ physical appearance ]

What do you most like about your body] My stomach(when it's toned)and my broad shoulders(I used to hate them)
And least] My nasty looking knees!
How many fillings do you have] a few
Do you think you're good looking] Fuck YEAH! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT!!!
Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking] At Jacob's they do
Do you look like any celebrities] Some of my friends, and teachers, and complete strangers have said Drew Barrymore, but I think they are fucking full of shit

[ fashion ]

Do you wear a watch] no
How many coats and jackets do you own]ummm, a total of . . . 5? maybe?
Favorite pants/skirt color]red pants, yellow skirts
Most expensive item of clothing] the coat my dad got me for xmas last year
Most treasured] thrift-store socks that Dee gave me before she moved to Alabama!
What kind of shoes do you wear] Ah-dee-das!
Describe your style in one word] mine?

I hope people read this!!!! I'm uber exited about it! I've never done a survey like this before!!!!

I just got back from hours of researching at school. It was sooooooooooo fun! I have to give a speech next week in my speech class and I'm doing it on meditation and I can't wait to do it. The only reason I can't wait is cuz my dickhead teacher thinks that my topic is balogna and doesn't think that meditation really helps anything and blah blah blah. Well I can't wait to show him all the research that I found in medical journals showing that it really IS beneficial and there has been lots of studies done to prove it! So I'm going to be like "suck on that, teach!" In your face. You are just old and set in your ways and don't know nothin bout this here. Anywho, yoga instructing is my second career choice if fashion design doesn't work out. I've been freaking out so much about everything the past couple weeks. I've been thinking like, what if this damn speech class ruins my GPA and I never get into DAAP? Just because this speech class is FUCKING HARD!!!! Not to mention my English class. It is impossible to get an A or even a B on a paper. I'M AT RAYMOND WALTERS, DAMMIT! IT SHOULDN'T BE THIS HARD!!! I feel like I am going to cry. These classes are going to ruin my life!!!! Hmmmm, I think now would be a good time for me to go put the whole meditation thing to good use. I need my moment of zen.

Also, Nikki, I PROMISE I will go to Jacob's with you on Friday. No excuses. I need to dance. Peese!

I am soooo tired. Man, I really wish that I was at the Glendora party Friday night from all the positive posts I read about it. Them crazy, fuckin' kids sure know how to put on one heck of a birthday-bash! I wonder if people were yelling at each other and stuff? Cuz that would have been awesome! J/K. I am just really tired and not making much sense or dollars right now. *yawn* I don't really think I have much to say, but I figured since it's been a while, I should update. I also wanted to tell Nikki that(before she says this to me) I am a big-ol' dipshit for not going Jacobing on Friday. I'm sorry, I am just really lame, even though both my legs work just fine. HA! Boy-oh-boy I am tired. Grrr. But right now I have to go watch VivaLABam!! Damn that boy is HAAAAAWT! He is on fiyah! Yeah, so, guh'nite.

If someone who has done that layers thing could tell me how to do it, that would be greatly appreciated. I really want to do it!!! Right now!!! Me and Chuck don't really know each other that well, but I just have to say that his new lj pic is soooooooo cute! Yeah, he's a cutie-pa-tutie. I have a freaking quiz in public speaking tommorow over 5 chapters that we never even talked about in class. I tried to cram them all in today, but i'll have to see whether or not that works out. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Everyone, Nikki is my girlfriend. When I first saw her in her hooker outfit, I decided that we are going out. Best damn significant other I've ever had. Plus, she luvs No Doubt! Well, I don't really think that I have anything else to say right now so I will go to bed. Goodnight, all.

P.s. Nikki, let me know if you're going to jacob's Friday!

Have you ever been talking to someone and the fact that it's their life and they can do what they want comes up, and then they start singing that Bon Jovi song? Well, now there's a GOOD song to sing about it! That's right. Leave it to No Doubt to cover the Talk Talks 1980s song, "It's My Life". I just saw the video and about croaked. It was so awesome(for lack of a better word). They took that song and totally made it their own and did an incredible job at it. I can't wait til the compilation cd that it's on comes out! I know I must be viewed as a big ol' nerd for loving No Doubt so much, but meh. Dif'rnt Strokes for dif'rnt folks. Favorite band since 8th grade-WHAT!?!!!! That's about all. I need to get studying for a midterm tomorrow.

Also, if anyone knows how to change that dumb little icon on your lj, will you please let me know how? I hate that ugly little smiley face. Even if I'm in a good mood, it doesn't seem like it b/c it's that nasty bluish-grey color. It always looks so sad and desolate on the inside. I really hate it.

I just got back from Stephanie's house. It was really good seeing her after all this time, even though she was sick. We've both been so busy that we haven't seen each other since August! But we watched Jackass the movie b/c she never seent it before. It was good times. I wish we could see each other more often. She's one of the few good friends that I have. And I don't mean good as in close, I mean good as in not a piece of crap who doesn't give a care about me. It's always nice to have a friend like that. Anywho, I've been working on this skirt that I'm making and it's going to kick so much ass if I ever have time to actually get it done. At least I hope it turns out how I want it, it's pretty tricky. Awww, my kitty is trying to type with his nose!!! Charlie is such a good kitty. This has got to be my lamest update ever. I know all of my other ones come close, but this one has got to take the cake. OH YEAH! I sure do wish Nikki would check her fucking LJ comments and give me her fucking AIM name and stuff! That would be special. And another thing, Belinda, I kept trying to leave a comment on your one entry, but it never stuck. I don't know what was going on. I was just saying how I know what it's like to have shitty friends and I always wanted us to be better friends and I don't really know why we're not and shit like that. Maybe if I didn't live on the other side of the planet compared to you things might be different? Do ya think? I don't know. I just related to that entry a lot because I know how important it is to have good friends who you care about and who also care about you. For me, it sometimes seems like it's hard to find somebody that is as good of a friend to me as I am to them. Something like that. Why I care about people so much, I don't know. Anywho, I'm pretty tired so I'm going to hit the hay.

Hey! I'm just curious, have any of you ever acted like an unstable bitch and then said some really mean and possibly hurtfull things to someone repeatedly and then felt betrayed when that person never wants to talk to you again? Yeah! Me too! What a coincidence. I recently learned something about myself. I am incredibly thin skinned and overly sensitive. Actually, I kenw that before, but I just learned that I really need to work on ways of controling it and not take everything so damn personal. It messes things up a lot. Kind of like digging your own grave as they say. It's also kind of a challenge for a really sensitive person and a not so sensitive person to be friends b/c a not so sensitive person doesn't really understand why a sensitive person gets hurt about something and then doesn't understand that that person acts . . . um, different(refer to sentence #2) to try and vent that pain. I kind of wonder if I'm really sensitive and feel an unbearable amount of pain when I get hurt to kind of compensate for a long time of being numb. Hmmm. This probably sounds like a bunch of incoherent rambling, but it's just some things that have been on my mind. I thought it'd be better if I got them out. Now I am going to go carve pumpkins with my dad and cousins. Yay! Oh yeah! I FINALLY found my one Elvis Costello cd! I was so happy about that. It's the little things in life, I guess.

Awwwww! I'm touched! I just read the nicest comments on my last Lj. Where my girls at?!? You ladies are the beast! Spanx. I hope studio supplies wouldn't be that expensive. I would just tell DAAP that I don't need those supplies because I am a creative genious and they should be working for me, making my designs for me. OWWWW! I just banged the shit out of my knee! My phone started ringing downstairs and I spun around in my chair really fast to go get it, and my knee crashed into the corner of the fucking desk. Meh, it feels better now. I'm going to go see who called.

I don't really want to update, but I need to b/c if I don't i will get kicked off or something. It's been a long time since I updated. Live Journal just isn't the same for me anymore. Nothing is. Oh yeah! Who fucking knew that you had to get into DAAP to do fashion design?!? That's the biggest load of horse shit. When the lady at the student center-place told me that, I felt like I was going to throw up everywhere. That's ridiculous. So I have to work my ass(as well as other things) off to TRY and get in to DAAP, and I don't even know if I'm going to actually like it! That shit is too competitive for me. I would sink like a brick. Plus, I've never exactly been the best student. But at least now I have a goal and something that I want to try. That will help motivate me to study and junk. None-the-less, I will try my damndest to get in and (hopefully) prove to myself that I am not a lazy good-for-nothing just coasting through. Can't wait! Oh yeah, I will need a portfolio too. GREAT!

I know I haven't updated in years, but I've been feeling pretty down town ugly brown.(Sorry Belinda I ripped you off just then, but those are the only words that honestly describe how I feel.) Anywho. I've felt like this for the past, well day I guess. There's just been something that's kind of really bothering me, but I get to hang out with Angel tomorrow so I can tell her all about it. I haven't told a single "soul" about what's bothering me. The word soul is in parenthesis b/c I think they are completely made up. But yeah. I haven't told a one. Not even my private journal. I don't really know why I haven't even written in my journal about it. I always stall as long as I can when it comes to bringing stuff that bothers me up to the surface. Even though I know it will eventually make me feel better. But I am so tired right now. It's been forever since I've gotten a decent night of sleep. Oh yeah, my mom and step dad are going out of town tomorrow and will be gone til next Sunday. That's like the 3rd fucking time they will have gone out of town in the last month and a half. Well, I really need to go get a good 12 or so hours of sleep. Take care.

I fucking hate the way LJ is set up now!!! Is it just me, or does everyone else have to continuously re-fucking-enter their username and shit every time you try to leave a comment, add a new friend, and/or update your fucking journal?!!! I am getting so pissed off it's so not even funny. I keep trying to add a new friend and it tells me each fucking time that I'm not logged in! WTFUCK! How can I update my fucking journal and read my friend's entries if I'm not logged in?! HUH?!!?!!! Oh yeah. Luke, when the hell are you going to start running because I am getting so motherfucking fat and that is also pissing me off a great deal. I've been yoga-ing and eating like I always do, yet my chunk (especially around the fucking mid section) continues to grow. I am so incredibly frustrated. I feel like I want to find the fuckers who "make Lj" and hurt them and cuss them out a lot. Damn I wish I could! FUCK YOU! I'm sorry, it's just been a long day at work and I am so tired and sleep-deprived. I'm just a little touchy right now. I'm going to take a benadryl then go the fuck to sleep.

RACE: Physical characteristics that distinguish one group of people from another; such as skin color or facial features.

CULTURE: The customary beliefs, social forms, and material traits of a racial, religious, or social group.

I knew race just dealt w/ physical attributes! I really need to learn to trust my gut! I'm glad I keep all of my college school books for occasions of this nature. I knew all of my hoarding would one day pay off.

I am sitting here laughing hystericlly at the comment(s) I just left on Luke's latest update. I showed him. Yeah I did. I'm so sorry, I am deliriously tired right now. I think that has a little something to do with my uncontrollable hysterics. I have to work at 9. that really sucks. Just when I thought I had that insomnia thing kicked, it comes back to bite me in tha ass. Right in the ass. Oh well. My night . . . could have been better. I ate dinner(bread) at Carlo's with a "K" w/Luke, Hilbert and Tom. That was ok I 'spose. Except for Gaybert being unnecessarily MEAN TO ME! Bitch. I guess I'm used to it by now, although there were certain points where I had to run to the restroom to dry my eyes and collect myself. I didn't want Hilbert knowing the damage he actually did. Anywho. Then we went to Pearl's and met some other fellows there. That pretty much sucked for the most part. Then I went home, unnoticed. Ugh. Dammit, I need more girlfriends. CORRECTION: I need more girlfriends who live in this state. CORRECTION AGAIN: I need more girlfriends who live in this state and aren't engaged. ONE LAST CORRECTION: I need more girlfriends who live in this state, aren't engaged and aren't pregnant. That narrows it down to 1. LET'S HEAR IT FOR STE! Yep. Ste's the only one who doesn't meet any of the above qualifications. And for that she rocks. But she's always working or tired or hanging w/her boyfriend of 4 years. So that's not so cool. I just don't know why I can't make girlfriends. For the past a lot of years this has bothered me. More than bothered, more like frustrated greatly. It's so unfulfilling. I must have been born without the girl-friend-making gene. It's not like I don't make an effort. Ha! I remember when AJ and I were going out and he was at Glendora, if we were going to hang out, I'd always be like, "Is Belinda there? What's she doing? Is Jen in town? What's Christina doing tonight? Ask Luke what Christina's doing tonight. Ask John if Belinda's coming over." He'd just be like, "Um, I dont' . . .know?" HA! I know that got on his nerves so much. Meh. Oh well. It sucks, but I guess I'll just have to deal for now, or whatever. I need to tell John to read my journal so he can feel really bad for hurting me so. Tis all fo now. I'm going to try sleeping again. Tomorrow at work is going to be . . . ABSOLUTELY MISERABLE! YAY!

I'm about to go to bed, but first I feel like I have to clear something up. I wasn't trying to be mean when I left that comment on Belinda's update about Luke. He really is a good friend and a good person. I've just been feeling shity lately and last night I really needed someone to talk to and I guess that Luke just wasn't as compassionate as I hoped he would be. But that's just how he is I 'spose. Not uncompassionate, just maybe uncomfortable about having someone kind of spill their guts to him. Christina's right, he is the most mellow person I believe I've ever met. His calmness does astound me. I remember when we first became friends I wished that I could be more like him in that way. He's just so at ease about everything and cool with everyone. I know I probably get on his nerves a lot, but does he still hang out with me? Yes. He's a good guy. Now I just hope that he and Christina can play kissy face and make-up and be all cute and happy again. That would be super-swell. And I think I finally kicked that fucking insomnia thing. So now I shall go take total advantage.

This insomnia thang is getting old very fast. I had to bail on Jacob's earlier. Strange because I really love going there. I'm still just not feeling up to snuff. I've been so depressed lately and I just can't shake it. I feel like I can't even move. I really miss Jesse and Deanna. I just saw the picture I have of Dee on my nightstand. Good times. She moved to Alabama to live with her parents a little over a year ago. She was living up here with her boyfriend, but he turned out to be not so sane. So she had no choice than to join her rents in Alabamie. Then Jesse moved to Florida to be with his dad about a year and a hlf ago. He visited recently and it was awesome. I miss him so much. He was going to move back up here and go to UC, but then his stupid brother said he wanted to move to Florida too. So Jesse is going to stay down there with his Bro. THANK-YOU VERY MUCH JOSH FOR TAKING JESSE AWAY FROM ME AGAIN. FLORIDA ISN'T THAT COOL! Anyways. I was just so close to him and Dee, and now I'm not close with anybody up here. There was Stephanie (one of my best friends since 8th grade) but now she's all engaged and she works all the time so we don't get to hang out that much. At least I can still talk to her about anything. Then there was Angel, but we had a bad falling out a few months ago and things haven't really been the same since. I just feel so lonely. I get so jealous of anyone who has close friendships near them. I want that again so bad and I can't stand it. It feels unbearable. Nobody around me that I feel so close to that I can tell anything to. Well, there was someone else, but me and that person aren't really on speaking terms now. I'm so tired and my head is killing me. Yet I still can't fall asleep. I really need to try to get to sleep again. I work at 12 tomorrow.